You know how girls, when they’re younger,
Pretend to descend into slumber,
Because they know they’ll wake up under a handsome prince
And place their face upon his lips–
I’d take a kiss.
Is it my mistake or was I missed?
Now she’s confined a mile high
With no stairs or elevator.
But then a guy climbs up the tower with her hair to save her.
Well, I’ve been waiting here for hours,
Where’s my savior?
Does this pattern imply that there’s no royal guy like me?
None who would flatter a guy, like me?
Or is that just a lie I see?
Are the princes resisting their innocent wishes
For the sake of tradition and poise?
Do princes like boys?
This thought gives me rest.
I’m relieved to believe I’m not caught in this rest,
So I’m not stressed.
I’ll wait for the hate to subside
When my date can ride on his quest
And test his kiss on my lips having gone numb.
Someday my prince will come.
He walks through the halls with you,
Hangs out at the mall with you,
But he’s bangin’ ‘gainst the walls––it’s true––
On those stained glass closet doors.
Days blur by
While minutes stand still.
Maybe because of the things that he hides,
And he’s losing his will,
And all that he can do is sit and stare at the sky,
About to cry,
Intending to die,
But then he sees that guy
And his heart-a-flutters,
But the others
Say that it’s the love of another type.
So what, he’s not a flipping cookie cutter, right?
But he gotta keep his secret tight
Lest his classmates come and ask him who he likes out of spite.
He gets it,
You don’t gotta make a show.
He’s different and can’t fix it.
He was born that way,
But for today,
Maybe no one has to know.
He just wants to be him,
But when you come out to your friends
You become a flipping synonym
So he puts that fact on a shelf:
In his piggy bank of secrets
Time to make a new deposit,
Which isn’t too far of a walk because he’s already in the closet.
Someday he’ll lift up a hammer and SMASH.
The piggy bank explodes, but not with CASH.
How’s THAT for fitting in?
But now he’s splintering,
And the closet doors are open
For the stained glass cracks,
And he’s hoping it’ll heal.
How’s it feel?
He don’t know, he’s still reeling
From the stress, and the mess,
Probably some lack of rest
From the ordeal,
His biggest secret revealed.
Or at least it will be,
Someday, he’ll finally find the bravery.
Someday he won’t keep himself in slavery
Where lies are chores,
And those lies lie behind stained glass closet doors.
I hope that someday
He’ll find a way
To come out and say
That he is…
Two songs echo through my chest.
“What’s wrong with that?” you may object.
But pay some respect to your favorite musician:
You neglect their slick precision,
I expect a quick rescission,
Music doesn’t harmonize by its own inhibition.
So imagine my condition
With these clashing compositions
Competing with their own renditions
Of who I am in spirit.
At first, only one played for me to hear it.
The other lay low in silent fear of
What siren may appear if
I were to ever let myself be queer.
My revelations let the dissonant duet grow clear.
Which brings us back to here, and now
Where I peer at the counter
Awaiting this fated encounter
Inflated by the countering score
Who tells me move no more.
But the other compels me to open the door
And take L’Oréal out of the drawer.
Two songs discord behind my heart,
But what if I ignored the part
Who warns me not to try this out?
So I try it on
–blush in particular.
It tickles my ventricular tissue
And soothes my sonic issue
If just for a clock’s tick.
So I next try lipstick
And eyeliner, eyeshadow,
I’m out of air;
I don’t care
For this one moment
Which of the songs is there.
It’s euphoric, but it’s not euphorever.
Like a bird may pluck out its feathers
From its shifting emotional weather,
So do I wipe my face
To erase this new look for disgrace.
The mirror consoles me
But it holds me in empty space:
I’m naked in either case.
It’s both or neither: I can’t verge in between,
But the road’s a cipher to merge the boy and queen.
For now as for then, for me and for them, I’ll cage my soul with age-old lies.
Why can’t the songs just harmonize?